Being in the hoards of hajjis, in the crowds is like swimming but in a sea of people. Sometimes the current picks me up. Sometimes it feels like I’m drowning. Sometimes I have to swim against the current. And sometimes the current carries me with her sweetly, to the place I want to go- and gently lets me ashore. There are moments when it feels like what it must feel like to be born. When it is painful- physically- like being pushed through birth canal. All constriction and darkness. Contractions in my chest and faintness on my forelock. Holding my breath because the next belly full may be minutes away. The exhaustion, the fatigue, the stress, the contortions of my body, the push between gravitational pulls and spiritual ones- all good signs that God has accepted from us- and it is my truest prayer that He does.
‘arafa. Will write more about it soon. for now the feelings are fragrant in my flesh…the baptism in tear water thrust forth from tawba blurred eyes. The place our primordial grandparents, Adam and Eve, met in the flesh for the first time- where they came to know one another. The place of ta’aruf. The place where union is to be had and knowing is the fruit born of it. ameen.